Finally, Tony Awards

[deadlightsgirl]

 I tivo-ed them and have only just got round to watching...I decided to collect my commentary and post it all at once in case you care, rather than twittering lots and lots (which is fine, but sort of lame when you watch it days after it airs).  And of course, bigtime cut, since I really can't imagine anyone giving a shit about my rambling Tony thoughts except from perhaps some odd performance-art point of view.

 

 

OMG can I kill the sound guy please

Not sure how I feel about the Sharks singing in Spanish

Jesus Christ that is the whitest Maria I have ever seen

Whatshishead playing Sky Masterson was cuter on Mad About You

Damn Stockard Channing and her facelifts look friggin great

Watch those lights on Liza, too hot and they’ll melt her face.  She still kicks some ass though

Elton boogeying with the cast of Hair is the biggest Yay ever

Fuck, that opening number was a finale in disguise, I am exhausted now

I think NPH is wearing a suit made from Event Horizon

No really, someone kick the sound guy

Jane Fonda and her face lifts look great too.  Can you pronounce “Godot”, Janie?

I am enjoying that Shrek sounds less Scottish and more like Paul Lynde

Shrek actually looks like something I would enjoy.  I also would hate to be this guy’s knees (Farquad)

Seriously, I want to be his orthopedist

HAHAHAHAHA, they made fun of Wicked

Dude, I made the Phantom of the Oprah joke in 1986

Angie, you are a fucken goddess

Ange, you are the essence of AWESOME

I so have no interest in Mamma Mia.  This makes me have even less

Too many jokes about NPH LOVING to scratch Billy Elliot

So blessed is my tivo, I can skip all the crap

Are they using the original Robbins choreo for West Side?  I think they are, some of it looks familiar

The jets all dress like my husband

Bernardo has the same hair as harpiegirl’s fiancé

Okay, that was choreo I never did.  Looked different and fatter on me anyway

Goddamn Maria is really really WASPy

Way to crack on your top note, bitch, maybe you should’ve warmed up more earlier, and NOT into your mic which shouldn’t have been on over Elton singing in the opener

Susan Sarandon, MILF of life

Rock of Ages is making me want to throw things and not ina good way.  I also can’t hear “I Wanna Rock” anymore without hearing SpongBob’s lyrics

I don’t care how many sweat socks this dude has in his pants, don’t take on Liza

STEVE PERRY!! STEVE PERRY!!  YOU KNOW YOU THOUGHT IT TOO, SIS!

Was Crotch-Cam absolutely vital, yo?

Liza is like shut up dude, this is about ME!

Orchestra drowns out Liza?  I know a conductor gonna get sacked

FIX THE MIKES, ASSHOLE!!

Ooo, Nicely’s a brotha

Wow this rendition of Siddown is bland, and that screen is hella discracting.  I just don’t need any more Guys and Dolls, I have the movie.  It’s like King And I

Now I am having visions of Gunn singing this song.  He’d be better than this guy.  The cast of Angel does Guys and Dolls…THAT I’d watch.  Don’t turn this into a gospel number dingus, just revive Purlie and NOT Finian’s Fucking Rainbow

Oh god, a revival of Bye Bye Birdie???  Why, god?

The nominees are, Some Kid Who Is Not Eamon Foley

Some Dude Who Is Not Mikey

Should someone have milked his wife before letting her wear that dress?  I’m just saying.  Oh wait, he is being all cute dad-wise, I forgive him his wife’s enormous boobs.  She is like, get me off this goddamn stage

Carry on the tradition of hot Anitas winning things

Speaking of Carrie.  Why’d Billie stop coming to camp, Mom?

Enough with the emo musicals.  Next To Normal is the new Spring Awakening

Okay, this one I REALLY want to throw rocks at.  Take a Zoloft and shut the fuck up, or someone summon a demon to make my depression a musical

Hi David

Jessica Lange’s facelifts aren’t that impressive, but her dress is bangin

Good for Geoffrey Rush.  His balls are still droopy.

Panic when I thought they were going to sing Memory for the Death Montage

DON’T YOU WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE BEA

That was a nice shot to close that, the dimming the lights

Frank Langella is still hot.  Nice guy, too.  I think he gets to be an honourary Jew now

“Your mum’s dead, Billy.  You must now perform a scene from Footloose, but with tap shoes instead of farm equipment.”

Elton John is taking over the world and I am very happy about it

When does Billy Elliot learn to play pinball and become the messiah?

My Claude and Berger were hotter.  Whoo, Claude/Berger slash

Fuck I miss that show.  Way funner to be in than watch

Commentary must cease now because Gracie is home from her walk now, though I am not quite finished.  Why the fuck hasn’t NPH sung anything yet?  Glad to see his posture has improved though.

Now when I go up to theatre fag camp, no one will give me shit for not having seen the Tonys.  The End.