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deadlightsgirlThere were a boy and a girl. They were married and they had a new little girl of their own. They both worked at a place full of zany people and zany things.
Now, it turns out that the girl was just about to reach a certain age, and that along with the becoming of Someone's Mother, and other factors, drove her slightly nutty. For this reason and a great many others, the boy and girl fought a lot, and when they didn't, they didn't have the fun they used to have, and there was the stress of the new baby in the house. They never had conversations, and this often made the girl lonely. The boy did his absolute best to make everyone happy, but wasn't real good with emotion nor communication, so even the couples counseling they tried didn't help.
The girl, in a sort of mid-life crisis kind of way, made what turned out to be a REALLY stupid suggestion to the boy -- "hey, why don't we try having one of those open relationships?" The boy, after explaining to her friend how human beings really aren't meant to be monogamous anyway and you can't get everything from one person and made lots of sense even to himself, agreed. He did this because he loved the girl, and wanted her to be happy. He never availed himself of the agreement, and didn't really think she would either.
However, opportunity presented itself to the girl in the form of all the things she in her panic was afraid she was on the verge of losing -- someone young, pretty, and popular. It must be mentioned that the first move was his, that the girl never in a million years would have assumed anything more than flirting. The girl said to herself, "Hey, we have an agreement about this, it's okay!" and she believed it because she wanted to believe it, and truth be told, she handled the whole thing terribly badly. The thing never went beyond a few non-consummative hookups, and the whole thing ultimately made her sadder than it made her happy, and while bits of it were fun, the whole thing turned out to be all kinds of not worth it apart from the "well, now I know not to do THAT again" thing. Never ever did the thought of leaving the boy and their little girl cross the girl's mind...this was, well, supposed to be an "and" before going back to "or". Or, for those of you who don't know Into The Woods, it was supposed to have been a way to ease the girl into her dreaded birthday, get this out of her system, and feel better. Terribly ill-conceived in hindsight, but remember they did have that arrangement, and the girl thought the boy was okay with everything and didn't know anyway.
The girl turned out to have been wrong on both counts. He knew, and wasn't okay with it, even though he had agreed to the arrangement. The girl is kicking herself because she knows from experience that a thing in theory is usually very different from the thing in practice. The girl is also kicking herself because she shouldn't have believed the boy when he agreed to the thing, and because she knew he had agreed to it to make her happy. He is kicking himself for having agreed to it, and a variety of other things which would be the business of his own blog, if he kept one. It should also be mentioned that the boy has issues of his own from way way back which go all the way back to his youth and he is doing his best to deal with those, but it seems that this situation with the girl proved to be a catalyst of sorts for all those things, and so he is feeling all sorts of overwhelmed.
Now the boy has separated himself from the girl and their little girl because all those feelings about what went down three and a half years ago are now showing up and biting him in the ass, and while he is doing his best, he is having a very hard time dealing with it, and having trouble not disregarding that they had had an arrangement, because HE never availed himself of it. Because of the arrangement, the girl doesn't feel that she cheated nor wronged him except for the clumsy way she handled the whole thing. There is a lot of anger floating around, and bitterness, and confusion, and their main objective is to keep it away from their little girl while he tries to sort himself out, and once he does that to an extent, they will try to sort themselves out together. It is possible that this whole thing, while painful for everyone especially around the hols, could eventually make the little family better and stronger and happier and closer, but all bets are really off right now. They can't change what happened all that time ago, and the girl can't make the boy trust her again, remembering the agreement or not. There is still something there, but right now all bets are really off.
Say a prayer for the boy and girl and their little girl if you like. The girl posts this here in the interest of honestly and wanting the truth out there so maybe he will feel less alone. She honestly believed in the agreement (well, among other things, because she WANTED to believe in it), but deeply regrets the hurt it caused the boy and now knows what a terrible mistake it had been, and would not ever do such a thing again.
We'll see what happens...everything will turn out how it is supposed to.
*edit* This statement is endorsed by both the girl and the boy, and in fact it was the boy's idea to eventually make it an unlocked post, plus he has emailed it to his non-lj relatives because he feels that this is the best and fairest telling of the story. They both know the rumour mill had a field day with this when it happened, and they both feel that the more the truth is out there, the better for them.
Now, it turns out that the girl was just about to reach a certain age, and that along with the becoming of Someone's Mother, and other factors, drove her slightly nutty. For this reason and a great many others, the boy and girl fought a lot, and when they didn't, they didn't have the fun they used to have, and there was the stress of the new baby in the house. They never had conversations, and this often made the girl lonely. The boy did his absolute best to make everyone happy, but wasn't real good with emotion nor communication, so even the couples counseling they tried didn't help.
The girl, in a sort of mid-life crisis kind of way, made what turned out to be a REALLY stupid suggestion to the boy -- "hey, why don't we try having one of those open relationships?" The boy, after explaining to her friend how human beings really aren't meant to be monogamous anyway and you can't get everything from one person and made lots of sense even to himself, agreed. He did this because he loved the girl, and wanted her to be happy. He never availed himself of the agreement, and didn't really think she would either.
However, opportunity presented itself to the girl in the form of all the things she in her panic was afraid she was on the verge of losing -- someone young, pretty, and popular. It must be mentioned that the first move was his, that the girl never in a million years would have assumed anything more than flirting. The girl said to herself, "Hey, we have an agreement about this, it's okay!" and she believed it because she wanted to believe it, and truth be told, she handled the whole thing terribly badly. The thing never went beyond a few non-consummative hookups, and the whole thing ultimately made her sadder than it made her happy, and while bits of it were fun, the whole thing turned out to be all kinds of not worth it apart from the "well, now I know not to do THAT again" thing. Never ever did the thought of leaving the boy and their little girl cross the girl's mind...this was, well, supposed to be an "and" before going back to "or". Or, for those of you who don't know Into The Woods, it was supposed to have been a way to ease the girl into her dreaded birthday, get this out of her system, and feel better. Terribly ill-conceived in hindsight, but remember they did have that arrangement, and the girl thought the boy was okay with everything and didn't know anyway.
The girl turned out to have been wrong on both counts. He knew, and wasn't okay with it, even though he had agreed to the arrangement. The girl is kicking herself because she knows from experience that a thing in theory is usually very different from the thing in practice. The girl is also kicking herself because she shouldn't have believed the boy when he agreed to the thing, and because she knew he had agreed to it to make her happy. He is kicking himself for having agreed to it, and a variety of other things which would be the business of his own blog, if he kept one. It should also be mentioned that the boy has issues of his own from way way back which go all the way back to his youth and he is doing his best to deal with those, but it seems that this situation with the girl proved to be a catalyst of sorts for all those things, and so he is feeling all sorts of overwhelmed.
Now the boy has separated himself from the girl and their little girl because all those feelings about what went down three and a half years ago are now showing up and biting him in the ass, and while he is doing his best, he is having a very hard time dealing with it, and having trouble not disregarding that they had had an arrangement, because HE never availed himself of it. Because of the arrangement, the girl doesn't feel that she cheated nor wronged him except for the clumsy way she handled the whole thing. There is a lot of anger floating around, and bitterness, and confusion, and their main objective is to keep it away from their little girl while he tries to sort himself out, and once he does that to an extent, they will try to sort themselves out together. It is possible that this whole thing, while painful for everyone especially around the hols, could eventually make the little family better and stronger and happier and closer, but all bets are really off right now. They can't change what happened all that time ago, and the girl can't make the boy trust her again, remembering the agreement or not. There is still something there, but right now all bets are really off.
Say a prayer for the boy and girl and their little girl if you like. The girl posts this here in the interest of honestly and wanting the truth out there so maybe he will feel less alone. She honestly believed in the agreement (well, among other things, because she WANTED to believe in it), but deeply regrets the hurt it caused the boy and now knows what a terrible mistake it had been, and would not ever do such a thing again.
We'll see what happens...everything will turn out how it is supposed to.
*edit* This statement is endorsed by both the girl and the boy, and in fact it was the boy's idea to eventually make it an unlocked post, plus he has emailed it to his non-lj relatives because he feels that this is the best and fairest telling of the story. They both know the rumour mill had a field day with this when it happened, and they both feel that the more the truth is out there, the better for them.
