dammit

[deadlightsgirl]

 I wish it didn't hurt so much that he can't/won't fight for our relationship.  He's just peachy with letting me go, especially since I said it first so he didn't have to.  None of this is new.  The reality of him is not something I want back, but dammit...he could have tried.  For the sake of seven years and the memories and the wedding (not to mention the kid), the rings I will hock but don't want to...for the sake of HOPE itself, for crying out loud...he could have fought for us, for me.  A little.  I know it's not a reflection on me.  He's just not the kind of person who fights for things, especially not relationships.  He's apparently bringing money for me when he comes to visit Gracie tomorrow, he'll give it to my mom.
It's over.  I know it's over, and the reality of it is, over is better...but it breaks my heart over and over again.  Doesn't help, today being shot day.  Just...dammit.  You know?

PS, I'm disabling comments.  I hate pity and don't want any.