Funny how things work sometimes...

[deadlightsgirl]

I woke up in an absolutely wretched mood from anxiety nightmares. I put Gracie on the bus and went back to bed for three more hours, and when I got up again, I woke up a bit, had a sandwich, and dragged my ass out for a walk and ipod therapy. Amazing how sometimes the shuffle seems to be sending you messages. Today the walk told me I need to actually lose this weight so I can fit back into my clothes and feel sexy again, and I need to do it STAT, because as soon as I do that, I need to get back to the piano bar and sing again. I don't care if it's a commute, once or twice a month I can do, and Rob wants to babysit more, so there we are.

I sing as I walk. As loud as I want, since no one is listening (or if they are, maybe I will be a belwether named Pippa - anyone get that besides ladyjoust  and melebeth ?) It was around that time that the ipod brought me to Defying Gravity, and I rewrote the lyrics as I sang it, and when I got to the bit about flying solo/flying free, it all sort of clicked and I felt vastly better. I came home, wrote Rob an email to tell him we shouldn't have heart-to-hearts anymore and should stick to the small talk and jokes. I also said that if he wondered how I spun our breakup to others, my plan was to say "it just didn't work out", and then change the subject. I still think what I thunk before...but this is what he and the public can have. He wrote back and was friendly and appreciative...I also told him not to send me flowers anymore. We will be henceforth referring to the papers we will sign this Wednesday as the Cat-mancipation Proclamation, and you are encouraged to come have a cocktail with me any time to commemorate the occasion.

Then I watched OMWF to warm up, and then I recorded a new Lady Mondegreen song, and shot some of the footage I'll need, and plan to start putting the pieces together tomorrow. Old song, lazy-Cat video, but it'll be something newish out there, and a project. When Gracie got home, she played in her wading pool and I worked on the backyard. Then we went for a walk to the pond around the corner to feed the ducks, where we met a new potential neighbourhood playfriend, her mom, and their dog. I gave them our contact info for future playdates. Then we drove down to get Gracie ice cream, and I didn't have any.

I went to kickboxing twice this week, and will try to keep that up til camp - since next week is buggered, I will go this Saturday and next Saturday morning. Not being sick anymore means I can start taking my dexedrine again, always good for the figure.

Now to take kiddo's pizza out of the oven. If she doesn't eat it, it will be my dinner. If she eats it, I'll have cereal.

I must take this moment to say thank you for all your support on my UNniversary, particularly 4evernight  for spearheading Cat Appreciation Day. I have the best friends and family on the planet, and they help make everything all better.

Comments

[fjordhopper.livejournal.com]

Wow! there is something very powerful about this post!! this is a strong & confident Cat writing this post!! You are moving through this and you will be (and i think, already are) a better, stronger person, who really knows who she is. I think you have turned a corner...and I think you are heading in a really good direction. Hurrah for emancipated, free & strong Cat!